Feeling stuck… but you can’t explain why? These 7 invisible energetic agreements may be running your life (even if you never consciously chose them).

In this episode, we’re breaking down what “energetic agreements” really are, how they form (often in survival mode), and how to start breaking them without shame, force, or self-blame. This is about reclaiming choice.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
• What energetic agreements are (and how they quietly shape your choices)
• Why these patterns are often protective, not “wrong”
• The 7 most common agreements that keep people stuck:

1. The agreement to stay small
2. The agreement to trust logic over intuition
3. Allegiance to the underdog within
4. The agreement to do it all alone
5. The agreement to be the martyr
6. The agreement to give your power away
7. The agreement to be spiritually responsible for everyone else
   • How to spot these agreements in real time (behavior + inner self-talk clues)
   • Simple ways to start shifting them through awareness, compassion, and new choices

🌟Which of the 7 are showing up most in your life right now?

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Episode Transcript:

Hey, beautiful soul. Welcome in for another episode of spirit speakeasy. Today, we are going to talk about the energetic agreements running your life and how to break them you may not even know that you have made them. Would you be surprised to know that there might be a reason that you're feeling stuck that you don't even know about. There are invisible agreements running your life right now that you may have not consciously chosen. They shape how much you ask for, how visible you allow yourself to be, how much or little it feels safe to be seen to want more in your life, how much responsibility you carry for other people. Raise your hand if this sounds like you, and how often you override your own knowing. And here's the important part, these agreements were not made because you were weak or not intelligent or any other reason. They were really made because at some point parts of you, younger versions of you, were trying to survive, to belong, or even to stay emotionally safe in the situations of your life. So in this episode, we're going to talk about the energetic agreements many of us are still living by, even though they're no longer aligned with who we are now or what we want to create going forward, and more importantly, how to start breaking these energetic agreements without shame or force or self blame, because awareness is not about judging who we have been or how we have created coping mechanisms or quiet energetic agreements. It's really about reclaiming your intentional choice. So first, I want to talk about what I mean by the term energetic agreements. When I say energetic agreements, I'm not talking about a paper that you signed or something you consciously added or decided about your personality or about your behavior. I'm talking about unconscious internal contracts that you made with yourself, with other people, sometimes with the world at large. These contracts often form early in life or during emotionally charged moments, like our really challenged moments in our life, moments where things like safety or love or belonging felt uncertain for that version of you, and these agreements can sound quietly in the background, like I'll stay quiet so no one gets upset. I won't need too much. I'll handle everything myself. I won't be a bother. Some people have it that way. I shouldn't trust my intuition. It's my job to take care of everyone else, and my needs can take a back seat at the time, these agreements were protective for you in some way. They helped you adapt. They helped you stay connected. They helped you survive. The problem isn't that you made these agreements, even though you might not remember making them. The problem is that many of them are still running in the background, long after they've stopped serving you. Think about how our computers, you know, where everything's so computerized now we carry these little computers in our pockets even, and think about programs with a computer that might be running in the background that we haven't deleted or reprogrammed. Well, the same is true of our energetic system. So in just a minute, we're going to get into some examples. But I want to say this clearly, first, you do not need to judge yourself for any of the agreements that you're about to recognize as we continue this conversation, even the ones that might feel destructive now when you look at them, were once an attempt for you to protect yourself. So compassion is really what allows these patterns to loosen, to shift, not force. So be kind. Be gentle with yourself, as you maybe even recognize some of these patterns or programs that you might be unconsciously running in the background. And once you start seeing or becoming aware of your energetic agreements, you realize just how common they are. We all have them. Some. Version of them. They're all different, right? There are many, many versions of these types of agreements, but there are a handful that I feel like I have seen come up for people again and again and again, especially for sensitive, intuitive, high functioning, high achieving people. So if you're here, whether you know it or not, you're likely in that category. And so I'm going to go over the ones that I have found in my work, coaching and helping people that seem to be some of the most common of these agreements. So I want to walk you through some of these most common energetic agreements to see how they tend to show up in real life, how you can begin shifting them for yourself with very little effort. It's very simple, but it might not always feel easy, right? Anytime we're trying to change a pattern, a belief, it might not feel easy, but it is quite simple. We're not going to rip them away. We have already probably outgrown them, and we'll be able to start shifting our behavior, our inner self talk, and the things that we're doing that really continue to buy into the agreement unconsciously or subconsciously. So let's start with one of the most pervasive unconscious agreements, agreement. One that we are going to talk about is the agreement to stay small and truly these agreements are often reinforced through things like our family dynamic, our emotional conditioning, perhaps the community that we were raised in or living in at the time, and sometimes it's through repeated messaging that was spoken or unspoken in our culture, in our communities and our families of origin, even the agreements that now might feel destructive as you recognize them were once protective. So remember, this is about liberation, compassion. And let's talk about this agreement to stay small. So what this agreement is is an unconscious decision to minimize yourself in order, often, to keep the peace, to avoid conflict, to not cause any problems. If you were someone that when you were young, consciously or unconsciously, got the message that you were too much, or your needs were too much, or you were taking too much time and attention, or perhaps when you did get attention, it was not a warm and fuzzy attention, it was a difficult, challenging or, for some people, even an abusive attention. So smaller versions of us start to do this internal math and decide how to keep ourselves safe. So sometimes these things aren't explicitly taught, but it's often energetically modeled with how we are treated, how we are responded to or not responded to, and often we're left alone to make these associations in our mind. So how this can show up in real life are things like being hesitant to speak up. And this can be anywhere in your life. It can be in your work zone, but if you're someone that feels very confident in your work zone and is like, Oh, joy, I don't have a problem speaking up in my office. Well, do you have a problem speaking up in any other areas of your life, with your family of origin, with your current partner, with your friends, in your hobbies and activities? So really open your mind, because we may have these agreements only in certain areas of our life and not in all areas of our life as individuals. So again, hesitation to speak up. It can be downplaying achievements. Like, if you are getting awarded something, there's one thing to have humility, right? And then there's another thing to be like, oh, I need to downplay my achievements. I'm not as good as everyone is saying. I am right, avoiding visibility, choosing comfort over expansion. So staying inside that comfort zone instead of letting yourself really expand into the fullness of what you're capable of. For some people, it can show up as feeling guilty for wanting more. And let's talk about how we start watching for these quiet programs running in the background, just start to notice your behavior. Start to notice when you kind of shrink back into yourself mid sentence. Notice if you are reacting to other people in the room and their energy, perhaps you are making associations that aren't there. Maybe if you feel like someone's not listening to you, you shrink. And maybe it's just that they have something else going on that you don't even know, but it's about our energy and how we show up. Notice when excitement within you about sharing something or experiencing something, kind of silently turns into you feeling like you need to justify why you're excited, or why you should get to experience this thing. Notice when you stop yourself right before you even begin. So perhaps you get an inspiration or an idea or something you'd like to try, whether it's in your work or your relationship or your hobby zone, or maybe your spiritual gifts. Have you ever gotten a little bit of a. Nudge of inspiration, and you think, oh, yeah, I'd really like to try that, or explore that, or dip my toes into that. And then you notice that you perhaps it's through your inner self talk that you stop yourself before you even really begin. Like, why are you thinking you're going to do that? You know that you're not able to do that. This is just wishful thinking. So the inner talk that goes along with some of these behaviors is also can be like a little red flag to help us notice. So how do we start shifting these behaviors, these reactions that are so deeply tied to these internal, energetic contracts? It's not hard, like I said, it's simple. Gently ask yourself, What are you afraid would happen if you took up more space, if you didn't dim your light, if you continue to shine your light, if you allow your desire to exist without immediately needing to manage it? So let this expansion be present, right sit with it doesn't mean you have to take action right away, but it's noticing how you really feel and when those little bits of resistance rise up for you. Let's talk about the second most common agreement, the agreement to trust logic over intuition. This is a big one for a lot of sensitives and intuitives, because we are often taught that we are too sensitive, too needy, have too much emotion, right? So what is this agreement? It has to do with prioritizing reason proof or external validation over that inner knowing that we have, and for some of us, we may have been rewarded or praised as intelligent or mature, and that can start to make us shift into this agreement, right that we lean into our intelligence, because that's what's more highly prized than our feelings or our intuition. And over time, it can become dismissive within ourselves, like we can dismiss our own intuition, and we can dismiss the intuitive signals that we receive around us. So how can this show up in real life? It can be things like second guessing your intuitive hits, or that intuitive nudge or feeling that you feel inside of yourself. It can be being harsh with yourself internally and kind of saying things like, well, this doesn't make sense. When something feels right to you, it's looking and criticizing yourself rather than just accepting, okay, maybe this doesn't make sense right now, but I am feeling this. I do feel this about this person or this situation. It's kind of pushing those feelings down or to the background and saying, I just have to keep marching ahead, logic, reason only, no feelings, no intuition, right? It can be really just so subtle in that day to day, and just start noticing what is the first thing that rises for you right before your logical mind has time to come in and color the information. What does that quiet sensing inside of you say? So let's talk about how to start watching for this specific agreement to trust logic over intuition. Really treat your intuition as information. We don't have to treat it as a conclusion, because often intuition will show up for us as breadcrumbs, not as a full laid out plan or a map, right? So our intuition is just giving us more information about things you can practice trusting those very small kind of lower risk nudges. I did a post last week in the My private Facebook group, Joy soul spa, which you're all invited to if you have not joined yet. I do sometimes some special lives in there and special trainings that aren't offered other places. And I was talking about a little intuitive story. When I go to theme parks like Disneyland or those kind of treks, it's only about an hour and a half from where I live. I bring this little bag of like, you know, just headache medicine and band aids and tummy medicine and things like that. And on this one particular trip, I was not going to bring it. And I was like, you don't need to bring this. You're only going for a couple hours. We hadn't planned to stay the whole day. There's no need for any of these things in here. You're going to be fine. And something inside of me, this little nudge right this little niggle. Whisper. Just was like, just bring it anyway. Just bring it anyway. And on that occasion, I didn't end up using anything in that little baggie, but I was in line for, if I'm honest, it was the Pooh Bear ride, the poo ride, and there was this kiddo in front of me that had those jelly shoes that she had been walking around in all day, and she was crying and showing her mom her blisters, and I was able to share my band aids and give some band aids to her mom. So intuition saves the day, right? So it can just be trusting those little, small nudges, even when we don't quite understand how it's going to play out in our day to day reality and not having. That negative self talk? Oh, why are you always trying to do extra things? Why are you always right? It's that inner criticism as our intuition rises, and it's something really valuable that you can start noticing right now, when you do have a little nudge or a little whisper of intuition, does your inner self talk, which we sometimes label as like our logical mind, come in and start saying hurtful things to you or dismissive things to you about that little intuition, because that's a practice that we build over time as well. So really it's just building trust through lived experience, through not suppression. So start noticing when you have a little nudge or a little whisper, even if it seems like it doesn't quite make sense, to start building that trust within yourself again and realizing that your intuition is just additional information outside of logic or reason, outside of those things that are overtly spoken, like in a meeting, for example, maybe you feel like the meeting went well, but then underneath your intuition is saying, You know what? I do feel like that meeting went well, but there's just something in there that I just feel like they had some questions that weren't answered when they left. I know they said they asked all their questions, but I really felt like they had more questions. And just making a note of it for yourself. It's very subtle, but it will start to create a huge shift. Okay, let's talk about agreement, three of these most common, energetic agreements. This is allegiance to the underdog within this, one's really interesting. So what is this agreement? This is an unconscious loyalty to a version of ourself who struggled. And this can be ourselves like as an individual, if we had struggle. But this can also be to our family story. I have a dear friend whose family immigrated from another country, and they had quite a struggle when they came to this country to get their footing and make a way for themselves and so in their family, when someone is getting a lot of success, it's almost this energy of, oh, well, that's disloyal to this underdog struggle that our family worked so hard to create. Some families might be happy, but in this family, that's the story. So what is this allegiance to the underdog within? It's really a silent promise to not outgrow, outshine, surpass. You might hear it as like, get too big for your britches. Often it's tied to a family dynamic or an early identity, right? So how can this show up in real life? This can show up as self sabotage before we reach success. This can show up as imposter syndrome, despite being very qualified. Now, let me just put a little caveat in here, because I often now that we have social media and everyone can say whatever they want on this beautiful internet that we have, there are people who are out there speaking as experts, who are not experts, right? And perhaps they could use a little bit of imposter syndrome, because they're not an expert. But I'm talking about when you really have put in your Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 hours, when you really are an expert in an area, or really have put in a lot of study, a lot of work, and you do have the experience and the qualifications, and still something inside you feels like, Oh, I'm going to be found out, or, Oh, you're not good enough for this. Why do you even want to try? You know that you are.
You know Susie from Sloan Street, who can't go above this avenue, right? I keep thinking about in my mind. As I'm saying this, I keep seeing where I'm from. There are very pocketed neighborhoods, and people from like this neighborhood don't really go over to this other neighborhood, right? It's a little bit sectioned off, so it's very much the energy of like, Who do you think you are? It can be not celebrating your wins, because you don't want to get too big for the people that you came from, right? I have a lot of this. Some of my family listens to this podcast occasionally, and I love you guys so much. But in our family, we do have a lot of the Who do you think you are energy if someone gets notoriety or has success or is moving their business forward. There is a little bit of whisper of attitude about Who do they think they are, or they think they're too good for us, right? Or, Oh, now that you're a big so and so, you know you're not one of us anymore. Do you have does any of you have that energy in your family? Or know someone that does? It's a very interesting energy, this allegiance to the underdog within. So how do we start watching for it? I would start just tuning into yourself and noticing, do you have discomfort after things go well, or are you able to, like, celebrate the win? Let's go back to the idea of a meeting, because a lot of us are. Very comfortable in our work zone. So if things go well in a meeting, are you able to say, like, yeah, that went really well. I really prepared for that. I'm proud of what I did. That feels really good. Or are you cutting yourself down, even though things did go really well, you're feeling uncomfortable. I don't know if I did good enough. I don't know if they're going to find out that I only studied this for five years, and not 15 years. Do you know what I mean? So do you have discomfort after something goes well for you, you can notice your resistance to visibility. I think a lot of us have that, even though, in this day and age, we are really being required, many of us, to put ourselves more and more publicly forward. Hello, podcast. But do you have resistance to visibility? Do you feel like you don't want to put yourself out there, you don't want to be seen? That could be connected to this unconscious agreement of allegiance to the underdog within? Just start to notice. Start to notice where you want to naturally minimize your accomplishments? Oh, it's not that big of a deal. I didn't do that great. It's fine. Instead of just saying thank you, do you have allegiance to staying recognizable or connected to that part of yourself that doesn't know that couldn't do it right? Notice if you feel any guilt connected to your success. It doesn't mean you have to tell other people how successful you are or what you made this year when you start doing your tax prep just around the corner, but it's an internal noticing, right? Do you feel guilty connected to your success, even if it's something that you put your effort and worked hard for. And how do you start shifting this unconscious belief if you just happen to be someone that notices any of these within you? So with this one, it's really about acknowledging that underdog with compassion. And again, this can be you as the underdog. It can be the family you came from. It can be the family line you came from, or the community that you came from. This is kind of common in the East Coast, and I'm sure it's common in other places where it's like, Oh, someone gets too big for this community, right? So just start to notice and acknowledge that underdog within you, where you came from, and reassure yourself within that growth does not erase where you came from. It does not erase your gratitude for the people that you came from, for their sacrifices, for what they went through to help you be who you are today. You can still allow humility, but humility and ambition can coexist, and in some families and cultures and areas of the world, we are not taught this, right? So looking at your own life, just start to see the areas where you feel like you want to make sure that this humility and your ambition are coexisting, and that really is the way to start shifting this agreement allegiance to the underdog within Okay, let's talk about this agreement number four, the agreement to do it all alone. And I have to tell you, I personally can see shades and colors of all of these in my life, and I've worked this energy over the years. And the truth is, we're not perfect, right? These little agreements can still start to rise up in us at times when we're feeling uncomfortable, especially at times when we're about to grow or level up or really step out of our comfort zone into something new and exciting that we want to claim for ourselves, that is often when these agreements will rear their heads or are up for renegotiation. So agreement for the agreement to do it all alone. This agreement is really a vow of self sufficiency. I'll do it by myself. This is something that's often rewarded for a lot of us in childhood, and praised as strength, not needing help, not needing others, not needing supervision. Sound familiar to any of you, fellow latchkey kids out there, especially common in leaders, caretakers, healers. So let's talk about how this one can show up in real life. This can show up as subtly as having difficulty asking for help. Oh, I know that one feels heavy. Do you ever have difficulty asking for help or discomfort receiving support? Do you let your closest friends support you? Do you tell them what's going on with you? Do you reach out and say, I really need some support right now? Or does that feel uncomfortable for you? That's one of the things to check in with. It can also look like pushing people away emotionally, or even just holding people away emotionally. And again, it doesn't mean we want to let everyone into our most intimate emotions, but certainly our inner circle. And do you hold people at just a distance? They can't get all the way close to you, because you're independent, and you're going to do it on your own and carry it on your own. It can look like relationships where dependence feels unsafe. Do you feel safe relying on or depending on others that you trust in your close circle for whatever it might be support for them to do the tasks that you need them to do. Or is it something that you are somewhere in the background of your heart or mind feeling like, well, I'm going to jump in and take this over. Or do you notice yourself in behavior jumping in and taking it over? Right? Perhaps you've asked someone to complete a task and they did it, but it but it wasn't up to standard. And instead of using that as a coaching or training moment, do you jump in and have this could be a very quiet attitude inside of like, well, I'm just going to do it myself, because I always have to take care of everything myself, and if I don't do it, it doesn't come out right? And I already knew, do you have some version of that story running in the background of any area of your life. And again, here non judgment. Remember, we're not judging ourselves. We're just noticing. Do you have challenges with receiving and it could be receiving compliments, it could be receiving a gift. It could be as simple as someone saying like, Oh, I'm going to pick up the check for lunch today. Do you have a problem with receiving so let's talk a little bit more about how we can listen within ourselves for the type of language in our self talk, or the type of actions to notice this unconscious agreement of, I'm going to do it all by myself. This can even be this inner self talk of like I've got it, it's easier for me to just do it myself. I'm not even going to bother asking anyone. It feels too tedious to try to enlist support for this. So how do we begin shifting this once we I feel like some of you are probably identifying, oh yeah, maybe I have a little bit of that, possibly, potentially. So really, to start shifting, it just practice receiving in safe, small ways. Allow yourself to accept a coffee from that person in your office that's going to do the coffee run, and maybe you pick it up next time. Allow others to contribute without correcting. Really, it's redefining strength as discernment, not isolation, not you as the island who has to do it all yourself, and some of this can tip into a little bit of our perfectionism, right? I heard a really good piece of advice when I still had kids at home and a partner that I was having a family with and all of that. And it was this idea that if you ask or request someone to do a specific task, do not go behind them and fix it if they have done the task. So for example, if you have asked your family, please make the bed, maybe you're the one that gets up first and you're out of the house and everyone's not and you've said, please make the bed. This is going to be one of our new things. Don't go behind them and criticize how they make the bed, even if it is not to your standard, or to the way you would make the bed, or to the way you would do it if you jumped in there and did it all by yourself. Just allow them to complete the task and praise them for completing the task, and do not go behind and fix and do not criticize. So you can do that in lots of ways. Doesn't have to be just with your family making the bed, but see how you can think to start applying that in ways that feel you might still have a little resistance, but feel manageable for you. So let's talk about this fifth agreement, of these energetic agreements that are running our lives in the background. This is the agreement to be the martyr, okay? What is this agreement? This has to do with self sacrifice as an identity. This is not the person who is like on the casserole list and who helps out, right? That's okay to do. This is about self sacrifice as your identity, doing more than your share out of obligation, and then often feeling resentful or frustrated. On the other side of it, this is often tied to having to prove your worthiness to be lovable. I know that is a tough pill to swallow for some of us, and if you really sit with it, I just would love for you to evaluate this is, you know, like I said, I've been experienced all of these at some point, and some of them I still work on quite a bit. But do you feel like you have to show up and be everything and do everything and put yourself very last as the martyr to prove your worthiness to be loved or to be in this group or to be acceptable, is that how you get yourself worth by giving everything and having nothing left for yourself, this can show up in real life, as simple as something like people pleasing. It can show up as just an emotion inside of you in the pit of. Your stomach, usually of like a chronic frustration or resentment or irritation. It can inside feel like feeling generally unappreciated, but then continuing to do the things, the tasks anyway, it can show up very quietly and sneakily as keeping score. Have you ever had that where you kind of kept score of like, well, I've showed up this many times for this person, and they've only shown up one time for me, that is showing you that you are not just giving freely from your heart, that there's something in you that has agreed to be a martyr in this situation and not speak up for yourself and be the fullness of yourself. Do you ever have this feeling of defensiveness around like, everything I've done, everything I've done for you, or everything I've done this week, or everything I've done today, and feeling defensiveness instead of like, Wow, I'm so proud of everything I got done today. It's this feeling of like, well, you have no idea everything that I did today, and needing to defend yourself, right? So besides just noticing all of those things in your world, how can we start watching for this quiet, energetic agreement of agreeing to be the martyr? You can start to notice that emotion of resentment, or that vibe of resentment within you as a very clear warning signal, you can start to notice when you feel like you're saying yes out of obligation instead of choice, right? And of course, depending on this phase of life that you're in, sometimes we are obligated to say yes to things that we don't necessarily feel super excited about doing, but it has to do with, are we only saying yes out of obligation and then resenting it later? So even just noticing it doesn't mean you will, right now, even be able to change that you're saying yes out of obligation, but just noticing can create a huge shift notice where you give without being asked, Are you volunteering for all kinds of things when no one has asked you, just notice,
notice where you are showing up and doing everything and volunteering and
really just putting yourself out there in a way that is spreading you too thin, when there are other people that could be also on the list of helpers, right? And sometimes, what's so sneaky about some of these energetic agreements is sometimes they work together. This agreement to be the martyr does often also work with this agreement to do it all myself, right? Instead of asking other parents on the resource list to contribute. You're just going to do it all yourself and take over and volunteer without being chosen or asked, right? So how do we start shifting it? Noticing it really is a powerful shift in and of itself. But you can ask where you volunteered instead of being chosen. You can start to separate love from over giving and realize that you are worthy of love. Even without all of this over giving and showing up, you can start to notice and allow yourself to have your own boundaries without justification, without this need to over explain. Well, I've got all these other things on my plate, and I just can't do it, and you have no idea how underwater I am and how much I'm doing. It doesn't need to go that far. You can just say, actually, you know what I would love to but I just can't, please ask me again next time, right? So evaluating where we might have this unconscious agreement to be a martyr. Now, number six on this list of agreements that we often make unconsciously or silently. These energetic contracts is the agreement to give your power away. This is so common among sensitives, intuitives, people with spiritual gifts. So what this agreement is about, this agreement to give your power away is just what it sounds like looking outside of ourselves for permission, for answers, for authority, and of course, like everything this exists on a spectrum. So there are, of course, times where, yeah, it makes sense to look outside of ourselves for answers or authority. If you have a medical thing happening and you're like, I've had this sore throat for a week, I need to look outside of myself to a doctor for some answers. Of course, that's what we want to do. This is more about, in a general way, in your life, believing that others know better than you do about you or your life or your choices. It's more of an internalized powerlessness. So this can show up in real life, as things like chronic self doubt, negative self talk, that that is always in there, picking at you. It can this one can show up as people pleasing as well. It can show up as putting yourself last, giving everyone else priority, right? Everyone else is more important than you. It. Can show up with these internal beliefs of like, I can't I'm not good enough for that. I'm not ready for that. Even when you have been training for something, it can show up as if we are in a conversation with someone close to us in our life, making a decision. Let's say we're planning a trip, and instead of you contributing your ideas and what you might like for this trip and you're part of the planning, you're deferring everything to this person, because certainly they must know more than you. Their ideas are more important or more weighty than yours, right? And one sneaky way that I noticed that this really shows up is this taking a survey of everyone else, right? Maybe we're looking for answers on social media, asking the friends that we have, asking some version of AI and doing a big survey, asking everyone else outside of ourselves, because we, somewhere in there, maybe even unconsciously, believe that we don't have our own answers. This is a really dangerous one, letting other people make our decisions for us and giving our power away. So besides just noticing, how do we start to shift it? Start sitting with things and asking yourself before you ask others or take that type of survey, and you can just sit with it for 24 hours to get clear on how you feel about whatever the thing is that's coming up for you. You can practice self trust in kind of micro moments. Can you trust yourself to know this information without needing to defer to someone else's idea or understanding or belief? This is really about reclaiming your authority in your life and within yourself gently, not forcefully. Because if you have been giving your power away and deferring to others for answers, it can feel uncomfortable when we start owning our own decisions and making all these choices for ourselves, about ourselves by ourselves, because the truth is, at the end of the day, when we give our power away and allow other people who we have deemed know better choose for us, the truth is, we are still the ones in our own lives left picking up the pieces when their choice was not correct for us. I've done this many times in my life where I have listened to someone else and thought, oh, they know better than me because they're older, more experienced, smarter, whatever the case might be. And I maybe had an intuition inside of me that I felt like the answer was different for me, but went along anyway, because, you know, of this quiet agreement to give my power away. And then on the other side of it, it turns out that was not the best choice for me, and I am still the one left dealing with the aftermath of whatever that choice is. So it really doesn't help us, ultimately, to give our power away, and it makes us even more confused about who we are and what our gifts are. So I just invite you to consider looking at where you might still be giving your power away, even if you're someone who feels very empowered in most areas of your life. Are there any other small, quiet areas where you're giving your power away? Okay, let's move on to our final of these agreements. Number seven, the agreement to be spiritually responsible for everyone else. Is this one of your unconscious, energetic agreements? So what does this agreement look like? This is over like taking too much responsibility for other people's emotions, for their healing, for the outcomes of their choices, especially common this one for empaths and intuitives, because we can often feel the emotions of other people. So we often, then, as this quiet agreement, want to take responsibility for helping this person avoid discomfort, or for doing it for them. And unfortunately, what this really is about is our inability to sit with discomfort. And sometimes we think that that is helping another person, but it's actually not. We all do sometimes need to sit in our own discomfort, to learn the lesson, or to grow or to get tired of experiencing something a certain way so that we can make our own change. So I'm very curious, if you've ever done this one, like I said, I've done all of these. Really, how this can show up in life is carrying emotional weight that isn't yours. It's not the same as showing up to support someone, being there for them, bringing the casserole, visiting them, giving them love and support, compassion, maybe even empathy. This has to do with trying to carry it for them. Do you have difficulty resting or taking a break, or do you always feel like there's something else you need to be doing for someone else? Do you try to kind of prove. Free or in advance, mitigate discomfort for other people, right? Oh, I don't. And you know, I was like the word guilty, but I definitely was challenged with this when my kids were growing up, trying to do things that would help them avoid discomfort, when sometimes maybe that discomfort would have been helpful for them, like, for example, there was definitely a time with one of my kiddos where they were kind of in a pattern of forgetting their work, their homework, right? And I'm going to be really honest, so don't come for me, there was a time where I was either running the homework to the school if I could do it, or writing a note for why they didn't have the homework. When looking back, has been a long time now, but probably the better thing for me to do, instead of using and enacting this energetic agreement to be spiritually responsible for everyone else, just to not to let them take the consequence in this case, right? So it could be something as simple as that, and actually, I think it wasn't homework. I think it was PE clothes, you know, in where in California, a lot of times in schools, kids have to bring a change of clothes for PE. And sometimes it's like for physical education or gym class, is what we used to call it. And sometimes it's like a very specific school shirt you have to buy from the school with the school's name on it, and they have to do like, extra running or extra something if they didn't bring it. So I know that this was, it's a very small example. Again, these, these can show up in our lives in such mundane, sneaky little ways, bringing the gym clothes to class for the kid, right? But it really was me trying to be responsible for their emotions or mitigate future discomfort, right? Do you ever feel guilty when you prioritize yourself and say, No, you can't babysit for this person or do this thing or take on this project because you're prioritizing something that you have to do or your own needs. Do you ever feel guilty about that? Do you ever feel like you really have to hold it all together for everyone else? So these are some of the things you can start watching for you can also start to notice if you have exhaustion without a clear cause, like you're just really tired or drained and there's no medical cause, you're getting sleep, you're taking your vitamins, whatever it is, eating well, and you just have this drained feeling that can be a little bit of a Red Flag from inside of you that you are exercising this energetic agreement to be responsible for everyone else. Do you ever like I said, feel guilty when you say no to something or disengage? You can notice things like that, and you can really just start shifting this agreement by clarifying what is yours to carry and what is not, what is your responsibility, emotionally, spiritually as an empath and what's not, and just make a concerted effort to release this spiritual over functioning, right? Unfortunately, we can't do someone else's healing or personal growth for them, no matter how much we want to. And believe me, I have tried, I really tried, to do other people's spiritual growth or personal development for them, and we just cannot. So getting very clear on what is yours to carry and what is not. And remember, support doesn't equal sacrifice. You can support someone in their journey without doing it for them or feeling it for them, right? So I hope that this has been eye opening for you, and it's okay to start releasing these energetic agreements without needing to feel like you're rejecting something or losing part of yourself, you don't need to force release for any of these agreements, bringing awareness to these behaviors or feelings inside of yourself actually naturally starts to loosen these agreements or the way that we show up, because often it's an it's an unconscious, or subconscious like response that comes from this unconscious agreement. But when we change our response, when we pause and notice, how actually do I feel about saying yes to this commitment or taking all of this on, all by myself, for example, how do I actually feel about that just pausing and getting a little clarity from inside of yourself, how would you I feel about this decision before I ask my best friend or my mom or whoever, and that can start to loosen or soften those immediate responses that we want to give, and can let us choose from a more aligned place, actually, what is true for me and who I am right Now, what works for me and who I am right now, we can honor our past and still move towards a more abundant future, right? And you can even think about thanking these agreements for how they once protected you and then consciously make a different choice. Because, again, even though. These energetic agreements sometimes can run our lives as a program in the background. We are the boss in our space. We have seniority in our own energy. So we can gently make shifts by just choosing a different choice, by just noticing how we feel about whatever is showing up. Growth doesn't require us to judge ourselves or be harsh on ourselves, or realize, Oh, I'm taking on everything again. It's softer than that. So just use your honesty with yourself, use your self compassion and realize you do have a choice for how you show up in any situation. You do have the choice to still lean into these old patterns and energetic agreements from the past, and you do have a choice to make a new choice, or react or respond differently. You don't have to keep these energetic agreements, and it's all part of our personal development, our personal growth, our healing. And why you hear me so often say that it really is personal development that is the key to opening up and deepening all of our spiritual gifts, including our intuition. So I hope this has been helpful for you. Let me know which of these resonates with you, and maybe you are like me and all seven you can see shades and colors of in the areas of your life. I'm so grateful to you for being here with me today. I would love it if you would share with me which of these seven, or all of them, speak to you, and which that you are going to consciously start looking at and working with to help yourself have more expansion in 2026 and beyond. And as most of you know, I do have a very exciting free workshop just around the corner. You can go right to the homepage of my website, joyful medium.com, it is totally free to sign up. We are going to take charge of 2026 and with your intuition, I'm going to help you create your own roadmap for 2026 so I hope to see you there as well, and I will see you as always next Monday for another episode of spirit speakeasy. Big hugs. Lots of love. Bye for now. From inside spirit speakeasy