Ever wondered if that powerful connection was a soulmate—or your twin flame?

In this "Best Of" episode from the Spirit Speakeasy archive, we revisit one of the most-requested and misunderstood topics in the spiritual world: the real difference between twin flames and soulmates. If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Have I met my twin flame?” or “Why do I feel such a deep pull to this person?”—this one’s for you.

You’ll walk away with a grounded understanding of spiritual connection, plus a renewed trust in your own intuitive guidance around love and destiny.

✨ Whether you’re in a deep connection now or still searching, this episode will help you feel more spiritually empowered—and less spiritually confused.

This episode explores: 

🔹 The truth about what twin flames actually are (and what they’re not)
 🔹 How soulmates differ energetically—and why the term is often misused
 🔹 The most common misconceptions about these spiritual relationships
 🔹 Whether you “need” a twin flame or soulmate for spiritual fulfillment
 🔹 Why not all intense connections are meant to last (and how to know the difference)
 🔹 The deeper purpose behind these connections—beyond romance

This conversation is equal parts myth-busting and soul-nourishing, offering clarity, compassion, and intuitive insight for those navigating powerful soul-level relationships.

🔔 Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, or share this episode with someone who’s felt the pull of a soul-deep connection. Let’s demystify the spiritual side of love—together.

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Episode Transcript:

Hey, beautiful soul, welcome to Spirit Speakeasy. I'm Joy Giovanni, joyful medium. I'm a working psychic medium, energy healer and spiritual gifts mentor. This podcast is like a seat at the table in a secret club, but with mediums, mystics and the spiritual luminaries of our time. So come behind the velvet ropes with me and see inside my world as I chat insider style with profoundly gifted souls, we go deep, share juicy stories, laugh a lot, and it wouldn't be a speakeasy without great insider secrets and tips. You might even learn that you have some gifts of your own. So step inside the spirit speakeasy. Hey, beautiful soul today I want to share with you about the topic of twin flames and soul mates. These are buzz words that are really powerful, and I feel like so often, clients come in dropping these words, and the immediate thing I want to do is ask them to tell me what they know about whichever term they're asking about, whether they're asking about twin, flame or soulmate. I usually ask them to give me a little bit of information about what they know, because I find that most people are kind of misinformed about what these are, what they mean, what the difference is. A lot of people think a twin flame is just like a more powerful soul mate, which is not really exactly what it is. I'm gonna tell you everything I know from the best of my understanding right now. Of course, I'm always learning and growing myself. My guides are often giving me inspiration and information, and so just like anyone, hopefully, my knowledge and wisdom continues to change and grow over time. But this is what I know right now, and I want to share it with you, just because this is such a, I don't know, hot topic. This is such a thing that people ask about a lot, and they're just so much confusion around it. So I'm excited to dive right in and talk about both twin flames and soul mates, what they are, what they're not. Do you have them? What it means and what it means for you if you do or if you don't have a twin flame or a soul mate. So without any further ado, let's just dive right in. So first, let's talk about what a twin flame is and what a soul mate is. These are totally different terms. They're often getting their wires crossed, and people are confused about which one's which and where it comes from and all of that. So essentially, a twin flame is the way I understand it. I'm going to use some words that are different from what I the way I hear people explain it, and some of it might be saying the same thing, but just in a different way. It's essentially another soul that you have a long term agreement with or contract with that throughout different lifetimes, different incarnations that you and this other soul will continue to help each other grow, expand, learn, and more fully express all of the potentials of your soul in that lifetime that you're in now, just a little terminology. We've talked about this before, but all of us are a soul having a human experience. So we are a soul. We have a body. We have a human body. I believe we incarnate potentially several times if we choose to. I do think we have free will choice in this as well. And I believe, and I feel like I know it to be true in my bones, we don't always incarnate in the same way, meaning I might be a woman identifying as a cisgender woman in in my physical body in this lifetime, and I might incarnate in a different lifetime as a man, someone that is cis male, or I could come in in a different lifetime and identify as a trans person, or any other kind of person. We're not limited to only one gender, we're not limited only to one identity, we're not limited only to one orientation. It could be different every time, and same for our twin flame, they can incarnate in a different form every time. So I feel like what a lot of people get confused, and it's based on a very old way of thinking. Is that, you know, with both twin flames and soul mates, it's like bookends, right? It's like, has to be one male and one female, which is not true, or it has to be, you know, lots of has to be. Is, we're going to talk about that more in a minute. Yeah, so twin flame is really kind of a contractual agreement, but it's something you you're willingly doing. No one's forcing it on you with this other soul. And one of the interesting things about the twin flame relationship is that twin flames don't always incarnate in the same lifetime. So this is why it's almost a little funny when people think it's just a more powerful version of your ideal partner, because that's not at all what it is, and actually a twin flame relationship, if they are incarnated in the same lifetime with you. So let me just back up a little bit oftentimes, the way I understand it is oftentimes one partner of the twin flame contract. Let's just call it that for easy, easy talking. One party is here in a physical body, in a physical world, and one party remains on the other side as like a guide. So most often, you and your twin flame will not be incarnated in the same lifetime, but sometimes you will be, and when you are, it's not this powerful, blessed union that people often want to think it is Twin Flames actually tend to be the most challenged relationships in our lives. The best example that I have of it is, if you remember that movie Hitchcock with Charlize Theron and Will Smith, there are these two powerful creators, right? Really, just like us, two powerful souls, and they continue to be drawn back to one another, but the closer they get, the more in contact they are, the more in proximity they are, the more explosive things become, and really a twin flame is a push pull relationship, where they are signing up to support us in a very deep soul growth way. Now, what do I mean by that, if you are cruising along and coasting along and your soul mate is also incarnated in this life, their role would be to shake you up, shake you out of your normal, shake you out of complacency. Sometimes we see it happen in unhealthy relationships, where these two people are just so toxic together, so explosive that then they are drawn together and pushed apart, sometimes in an explosive way, to both be available, to better themselves, to more deeply understand what they need on their journey, to do some sort of profound healing and growth. So a lot of times, if your twin flame, you know, really, I think always, I just don't love using that word, because it's so final. But if your twin flames incarnated in the same lifetime with you. It's not a warm and fuzzy relationship. It's a tough relationship. And just so you know, twin flames are not always going to show up in a romantic way. So I think because of marketing, probably both of these terms, twin flame and soulmate are really often posed as a romantic life partner, and it's not always what it is. So sometimes a twin flame can be a romantic partner, but not always. Sometimes it can be any relationship, really, a teacher, a parent, a friend, just another person that you know, a colleague, but like I said, most often they're not even in a body at the same time as you. So they're on the other side, you're on this side, or vice versa. They're on this side and you're on the other side, helping them, poking them along, you know, metaphorically, to reach their highest potential. We all have these potentials in our life, right? It's when we're living to the fullest of our potential, to the best of our ability. We have certain things available to us that we can choose to go after or not. But there are all these speed bumps, all these distractions, all these things placed in our path, in our human experience, right? And we can get deterred. We can go on these detours. We can get involved in things that are not the highest and greatest good for us, that are not the best expression of our soul in that moment or in that lifetime, that are not
I mean right and wrong is like, I think, a tough term to use here, but maybe not the highest expression of your soul in that lifetime, and that's where the twin flame relationship comes in often as a guide from the other side to spur you on, to make you so uncomfortable that you have almost no choice. Choice but to grow to where sitting in that same position, in that same place, living in that same way or doing those same habits becomes so uncomfortable that it is much more safe to get the heck out of there and take care of yourself or whatever it is you need to take care of them, to stay in that complacent or often unhealthy situation. So they can be doing that from the other side, they can be doing that from this side. The other thing to know is, even if you think someone is a twin flame for you, right, say you're thinking in your mind, oh, do I have someone in my life like that, that we're continuously, almost like magnetically drawn back together, and then it's very unhealthy and explosive. And, you know, like in that movie hit Hitchcock were almost like thrust apart, right? It doesn't mean that you have to stay in that kind of relationship. It doesn't mean that you can't completely exclude them from your life. You'll see them again later on the other side. Don't worry about it, but that's the nature of a twin flame relationship. It is sort of like that coach that cracks the whip, or that teacher, that helper that puts you in uncomfortable positions or situations for your own growth, and it is why most often we're not incarnated at the same time, right? So don't get it twisted. Don't be out there trying to look for your twin flame. If you have one that is incarnated in this lifetime with you, don't worry. They'll show up, and you probably, within short order, within a couple years, will be begging for them to leave your your site again. That's often how it is. So twin flames are really powerful, deep relationships, but they're they're most often really uncomfortable if you're incarnated at the same time. So they're not these warm and fuzzy, fluffy relationships. Their whole point, the purpose of them, the intention of them, is to help us grow. And if you think about this little metaphor that I'm going to give you, it might be cliche, but, you know, diamonds grow under incredible pressure, incredible conditions, is what turns carbon into diamond. So it's not different with us. Our nature is to want to flow in the lazy river and let things be easy, right? It's our human nature. We want things to settle down. We want it to be easy. We want to be abundant. We don't want to put ourselves through the fire, right? It's uncomfortable to be in tough situations, uncomfortable to do sometimes the hard work on ourself. It's vulnerable, sometimes to put ourselves in the position to grow in the way that we need to and so, because we come from a place of infinite wisdom and love and support, we've set up these things for ourselves to help us be encouraged. I want to say forced, but I mean, we still have free will. You could choose to not grow at all if you wanted to, but to be encouraged, sometimes in uncomfortable ways, to grow, to expand and to express more and more of your soul's full potential in the lifetime, right? So that is what a twin flame, essentially, is. More often than not, you are not going to be incarnated in the same lifetime. It's a bit unusual, but like I said, if you are incarnated in the same lifetime as your twin flame, don't expect it to be a comfortable relationship. It's usually a very painful relationship, but often we grow a lot from it, and most often, we end up completely cutting off contact with that person at some time in our life, and often indefinitely. So not always there. There could be a chance you could continue to do that magnetic push, pull, loop back around, have completely toxic or unhealthy or difficult situations experiences with that person, and then explode apart again. You can continue that cycle, if you choose. But a lot of times. If that's the cycle that they're in with you, they're there, you're there, and they're there, both helping each other to break those cycles and move in healthier directions. So keep that in mind. So that in a nutshell, is the twin flame. Now let's hop over to soul mates, because this is where I think it can get super confusing. So there is something sometimes it's called the red thread. Sometimes it's called the splitting of souls. I, for me, I feel like a lot of these are like marketing ploys, to be honest. But what some people believe is that the the soul mate is like the other half of your soul, or two souls that were tied together at the beginning of life. That's that red thread thing. And then each of you has this invisible red thread of love or of connection of power between you and your. Lot in life is to search the world over to find this one missing half of you for the rest of your life. That is kind of, in a traditional sense, what soul mate means. But it's just not how I understand it. That's not what I actually think it even is. I just think it's a it's a romantic notion that people describe it or talk about it in that way. For me, I feel like that just feels, I don't know, a little unrealistic, like what our soul would set up for us, that we just have to, like journey around to find this one person, like, what if they're born on the complete other side of the world from you, and there's very slim chance that you would actually ever come into contact with them, and there's only just this one person that you are supposed to seek out and find. So that's a
B
for me. Anyway, I really feel like that's a misconception. I don't believe that it is this one perfect romantic partner that is the other half of our soul that we are destined to Pine after and search for forever. I just don't believe that that is the truth of what it is. It just seems kind of cruel and totally illogical. But if that's the version of it that you like, you're free to hang on to it. We've all got free will choices. I'm just offering you another way of thinking about it, and the way that I understand it, so the way I understand soulmate, again, not dissimilar to twin flames when I'm talking about the Incarnation in our bodies, soulmate doesn't have to be a romantic partner. We can experience soul mate relationships many times in our lives. We can experience it once in our life, we can. I can't speak for everybody, so I don't know if there's some people that never experience it, but I find that kind of hard to believe. So what a soul mate relationship is is a deep connection that transcends all of our human challenges. It's this very special deep connection. But it doesn't necessarily have to be a romantic connection, like I was saying. We have this romantic notion, again, from movies and marketing, about soul mate being just that one perfect person for you. Now, if you've ever been in a relationship with any person of any kind, any relationship, you know that relationships are work, that there is no perfect person out there, because we are all imperfect. It's part of our human condition. Is this imperfection? So if you are waiting for the perfect other half of your soul to show up and rescue you. You're in trouble, because this is never going to happen. And I thought about that for a long time in my younger life. I you know, there was a time where I thought like, Okay, this is what's true. What I know to be true now is that soul mates can show up in any of the relationships in our lives. So for me, she doesn't know. I'm gonna out her about this, but my best friend is my soul mate. We've been friends for more than 25 years, and there is this connection between us that transcends all the muddiness of life. It's a soul connection. It's a soul to soul connection. So we choose to stay in communication with each other. We choose to work on our relationship. We choose to have this communication right work on it. I don't believe that there's just, like I said, some perfect person that shows up that you never have to work on it, and often, like we're sold this idea that, Oh, when you have your soulmate, it's not going to be work. So if you're having to work too hard, that means that that's not your soulmate. That's not true. We're all human. We all were raised from human children and had all of these different experiences, often traumas, challenges, things that went on in our family, things that happened to us over time. No person is perfect. No person doesn't have emotions that they get to continue to work on. We all have that just a part as a part of us, we need to continue to work on our communication skills, on our tough emotions, on sharing, our emotions, on all the parts of engaging with another person, whether it's in a romantic relationship or any other relationship, true relationships, if you want to stay in a real relationship with someone, takes work. It takes attention. It's like tending a garden, you're not going to just not water, not weed, not control sunlight, or at least pay attention, not even look at the garden and expect it to continue to produce the most beautiful fruit and be self maintaining. That's not real. It's the same with a relationship. We need to tend it. We need to be responsible for our actions. Our words, we need to come usually, with compassion. We need to see them for who they are, not just who we want them to be. There's a lot of elements that go into any relationship. A soulmate relationship is just a different level of connection. Now, it could indicate that our souls already know each other from before, but I believe that a lot of people in our close circle, our souls know from the other side already. You might have heard of something called soul groups, or soul families, which is the idea that several people, several souls, often incarnate at the same time, sometimes in the same families, and play different roles. So I might be the mom this time and the next time I might be the dad or the little brother or the uncle or the niece. So we play different roles, different incarnations, based on what we what our soul wants to experience that lifetime. Now, Soul Mates can come as romantic partners, certainly, but they can also come, like I told you, with me as my best friend. They can come as parent child relationship. They can come in any of the relationships in our life. It could be siblings that our soul mates. Sometimes we see this with like twins, for example, where there's a just such a close relationship that transcends the difficulties of human life. It's a special soul to soul bond, or connection. But that's where it gets muddy, because people assume that because it's this beautiful soul bond, soul connection, that it means that A, it's going to be romantic, and B, it's going to be easy, and neither of those is true 100% of the time. Yeah, there might be times where it's just easier, or you just get each other, or you just can feel compassion for them, or you just really see them for the truth of who they are, and that's beautiful, but it's certainly not always that way. They're going to annoy you, they're going to have bad breath sometimes, you know what I mean, like we're all we're all just in this human experience. So if you are waiting for a soul mate who is perfect that doesn't exist, and I hate to break this to you like I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you're not perfect either. I am very far from perfect, and I'm reminded of it all the time. Not that I ever thought it, but so not expecting this soulmate person to be perfect, and not putting all of the relationships in your life on hold because you waiting for some imaginary perfect partner, true partnership of any kind, true lasting relationship of any kind takes work, and that's just the bottom line. Because we grow and evolve and change as people. We have different thoughts and different understandings and different needs at different times in our life, and yes, there might be this deep, special connection where you can continue to ebb and flow with someone. You both continue to agree to be in each other's lives, to be tending to that garden of your relationship with where you're both putting in time and effort. You're both expressing your emotions honestly and openly. There's a vulnerability that we have to bring for a deep connection like this. It's not going to be a cursory relationship in your life, meaning it's, you know, sometimes people say like, oh, I'm worried that I missed my soulmate relationship. You won't, don't worry. It's not going to be just someone that you used to pass in the office that there really was no connection between you. Often it, it's a special connection, but sometimes we don't recognize it right away, right? So think about those relationships in your life that are those deep soul to soul connections, those are probably more in alignment with your soul mate relationships. And that's bringing me to the next point on this. And what I want to say is that you don't just have one soul mate. I mean, can you imagine having to look the whole world over for one person, and I feel like we'd be missing each other all the time, like, you know, I might go to the other side of the world looking for them, and maybe they're off traveling looking for me, you know, it'd be really just unlikely odds to ever meet that person. So it really can be more than one person in your life too. We're not limited to just only one soul mate relationship. We can have several of them.
It just means that our souls have a friendship, a love, a connection. We know each other already from the other side, and that can be true in lots of our relationships. Like I said, I do believe in soul families and soul groups, and that's not to say that you have to reincarnate every time your soul group reincarnates. I believe we have a choice. Maybe sometimes you stay back as a guide, maybe sometimes you come in with the family and just play a different role, and that's your role for this lifetime. But I don't. Think those are mutually exclusive of each other. I think you can have your family group a soulmate. Might be a member of your family group, or they might not. They might just be a friend in this lifetime. They might be a lover. They might be someone you knew a long time ago. They might be someone you haven't met yet. They might be someone that you only get a short amount of years with because, you know, something happens, maybe they pass away, or maybe life just takes you guys in different directions, but the connection is real and deep, and you guys really see each other. This kind of probably be so dorky, so apologize in advance. But the thing I keep thinking of is in that movie Avatar, you know when she's talking to him and and the way that they say it in that tribe is, I see you. I see you. And that reminds me the most of what the soul mate relationship feels like, because it's that person that's really, truly sees you as a soul, more than just your human self, and is willing to continue to stay in it and be there and work with you through it, and you both choose to be in relationship. But that's true of any relationship. It's a choice the relationships we choose to continue in our lives to foster. There's choice involved. It's it's an active choice to put effort into those most important relationships, right? So one of the things I am encouraging you to do today is not worry so much about who's your twin flame and who's your soul mate, and are you going to find your soul mate? Who do you choose to have in your life, who resonates with you. I feel like you know sometimes, from time to time, there are people in our lives who we no longer want to be in relationship with. Maybe we just don't see eye to eye anymore. Maybe one of us has grown and the other one hasn't, and it's just not gonna fly anymore. There's a lot of reasons to exit a relationship with someone, and it doesn't make them any less a soulmate, necessarily. I just really feel like we get too hung up on chasing soulmates or chasing twin flames, and I especially think it's kind of funny sometimes because people don't realize what a twin flame is. I really feel like if more people knew what it was, they would chase it, because it's not pleasant. So do you have a soulmate out there? Absolutely, do you have more than one? I believe we all have many soul mates out there, and I believe there are also other people who are not necessarily our quote, unquote soulmates, that we can have really thriving, beautiful, cultivated relationships with that are deep and supportive and that we nurture and tend to like a garden that aren't necessarily a soulmate, and that's Beautiful too. So I hope this has helped you understand a little bit about the difference between the soulmate relationship and the twin flame relationship, what they are what they're not. But more than that, I hope it's really given you permission not to be like so hung up on those relationships and not that you necessarily are right, because we're all different, but really just hoping that you'll have more permission to just pay attention to the relationships that you are in and intentionally gardening right, cultivating, nurturing, putting the work in, the Time in for the people that you want to foster those relationships in this lifetime with, because that's what's important. What if you have a soulmate and you don't ever meet them, right? If we have several soulmates, there might be some that you don't get to come in contact with in this lifetime, but that doesn't mean your experience has to be any less rich or fulfilling. I just want to invite you to release that idea of needing to hold on for just that one perfect person that doesn't exist and not be living your life, enjoying yourself and remember soulmates can come in any relationship in our life. So it's not only limited to romantic partners, and sometimes, you know, we have relationships that are soul mates that are not romantic partners. Maybe those work better even because they don't have that romantic charge. Do soul mates exist as romantic partners? Sure, of course, they do, but they exist in lots of other relationships too, and maybe you can identify one of those in your own life, like I have with my bestie. Or maybe you feel like I haven't experienced that deep and profound of a soul connection yet, and that's okay too. It doesn't mean that it's not still to come for you. Um. Just being available for and open to it, but not demanding of it, or not needing it as a requirement, I feel like is the best way to make it happen. If it's gonna happen for you. What if you have soulmates out there, right in your world right now that you haven't met yet because you're not putting yourself out there? Maybe they are a friend. Maybe it's not a romantic partner that's going to be your soulmate in that way. Maybe it's a friend. But if you're not open to making friends and meeting people and, you know, nurturing and fostering new relationships, then you're not going to find them. You're making that true for yourself. I do believe that we're here to experience, like I said, the full spectrum of human emotions, which includes deep and profound love. But that can show up in so many ways, and it is one of the biggest mistakes I see with clients when it comes to relationships, is that sometimes people can get so hung up on these ideas of perfect partner or perfect relationship, or the relationship where it just isn't so much work, or whatever version of that, you know, whatever words you have that you want to plug in there, but really we're missing out on so much of the experience if we do that. Soul Mates can come in all forms, in any gender, in any relationship, at any time in our life. So just be available for it really is the best guidance. Just be available for it, and treasure and cherish the relationships that you do have, that you do want to nurture and foster, because it is those people that feed us and sustain us emotionally, spiritually, the people that really help us see ourselves when we are often, you know, at our lowest point, or when we just Can't see the truth of who we are as divine, creative, Soul beings.
At any point, this relationship can come to you, if you don't already have a soulmate relationship in your life. I wish it for each and every one of us, and I think it's available to each and every one of us, because, like I said, I believe we're here to experience all the emotions, not just a few of them. So if you don't feel like you've experienced that deep connection with another soul, yet while you're still here and there's still time for it, so I put it back to you, are you putting yourself out there? Are you making new friends? Are you putting yourself in a place where you want to be deeply connected to the people there. Maybe it's because you have a common interest. Maybe it's because we're geographically desirable to be in friendship, but really just fostering, nurturing those relationships that sustain you and that nurture you, because that is the true nature of a soulmate relationship is to see each other when you're at your roughest. You know everyone's great on their good days, but what about on the tough days? What about on those days when you need someone to stand on firm ground because you feel like you're sinking and rather than getting in the mud with you and making a muddy mess of the both of you. You need someone who can stand on firm ground, who can see you, and who can extend a hand and let you climb yourself out of that mud. That's what a soulmate relationship does for you. But it's work. It's effort. It is tending the proverbial relationship garden just like anything else. So let me know if you agree or disagree with my share. Hopefully you'll agree, and hopefully it makes sense to you. I just think that's you know, used against us in marketing and movies so much, and these terms have become so confused for people, and often people have themselves tied up in knots or really distraught or upset because they feel like they don't have a soulmate, or they don't have a twin flame, and not really understanding what these are, and probably overlooking a soulmate connection that they already have, because some part of our humanness wants it to be romantic, and It's not right. So again, it can show up in any relationship in your life. Could be friendship or mentorship or parent child or siblings or romantic, or any of the other ways, any of the versions of relationship. I know someone whose grandparent was one of their soul mates, which is also pretty incredible. So I've seen it in all the different relationships. Let me know if you've experienced a soul mate connection yet, or if you're even available for one. Maybe you know, through some of this, you're realizing, Oh, wait, I am kind of closed off. I'm not really putting myself out there to make new friends. I'm not fostering relationships with people who inspire me. That's really the thing to do. If that's not what you're doing, that's how you're going to be able to step into these relationships. It won't be every relationship. We're lucky if we have one or two that cross our paths in this way, but they're available to you, whether you've experienced them already or haven't at all yet. Just know that soul mates are available to you. It just might look a little different than what they told you. So hopefully this has been giving you some food for thought. It may have shaken you up a little bit or made you think about things in a different way, but just know that I'm here and we're going to continue these talks again. Let me know if there's any other questions you have, any topics you're wanting to hear about, and I am more than happy to talk on whatever it is you guys want to know about that I know, or find a guest for us who knows about it that can share with us. So let me know how this topic resonated with you. And if you are enjoying this podcast, I hope that you will subscribe and like and even share if you want, if you figure out how to leave the comments, please do that. That always helps. And if you want to save it and listen more than once. That's wonderful too, but important to share with anyone you know who is a little bummed out about their relationship zone, or who you hear complaining about soul mates or twin flames or even wondering about them, this might be the bright episode to share with them. So thanks for being here with me. I hope this has been informative and valuable and maybe even a little inspiring to you. Thanks for spending this time with me. It is always an honor and a privilege for me. And big hugs. Lots of love. Bye for now. From inside the spirit speakeasy